Pg. 4
Issue #4
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Weather in Santa Cruz, CA 54°
THIS EMAIL BROUGHT TO YOU BY NIPPLE CREAM, contd.
By Jessi Hamel - Purple & Gray
4.1.2010
This sounds like an improvement. And if you want to watch Google engineer Alan explain this while confirming all of your stereotypes about computer engineers, it is well worth a look. But this new policy doesn’t seem to have upped the accuracy of the ads. A definitely un-pregnant friend of mine who has no love for kids has ads for maternity wear in her inbox. And the ads popping up next to her recent emails—"Car Wrapping Companies", "Looking for Penelope?"—are so unrelated to anything she has written about, that it’s as if Google is throwing ads against the wall just to see what sticks.
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✴Savvier people I know have installed ad-blocker extensions to their Firefox or Chrome browsers, but I’m holding out. I figure that with all their money, and all their smart, nerdy, bad hairstyled engineers like Alan, one day the Gmail team is going to get it right and be able to tell me where to buy exactly what I want. I’ll see ads that say “Eco-friendly, Quad 6’2” Surfboards”, or—even better—“Where to Purchase That Blue Shirt You Liked on that Girl Walking down Pacific the Other Day.” And that's when I’ll buy heartburn medication if they suggest it. Or nipple cream. Because if it’s listed, I must want it.
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“POPULAR MECHANICS”
By Jesús Castillo - Purple & Gray 4.4.2010
the story of a deer yawning.
a man in front of a television set
drinking coffee.
how we got to the other end of Oregon
or across the big river.
a dead fish sinking somewhere.
the time we just drove in silence.
the time you came upstairs naked with the noise
of a celebration behind you
and locked the door.
the language we have for that minute
after you realize you’re in love
with another living thing
that might potentially understand
the noises coming out of your mouth.
balconies and small nostalgia.
going to some new year’s thing. vomit
on a sidewalk.
a wife refusing to be kissed.
that man who just passed by, who might have
been, at one point, her lover.
a bird of paradise building its nest.
a monkey falling.
a piece of meat on a conveyor belt.
the death we wish for.
the death that’s waiting. many
fine days of sitting by windows.
every time she takes a bite of chocolate,
she closes her eyes, tilts her head,
and lets out a barely audible moan.
2. You’ve just been
told that you’re
being put on a diet
by your person
who, you know, happens
to leave her shoes completely out in the open for most of the day....
1. You suddenly realized that the person you are staring at is the one person with opposable thumbs in the entire house and not only can those be used to open food containers, but they can also scratch behind your ears.
3. You’ve just heard the crinkling of a paper, suspiciously
like that of a bag of cat food being opened, or better yet,
a single serving pudding container and you realized that a
cat MUST be present.
Skipper would like to thank Vanity Fair, one of his favorite magazines, for the inspiration for this “In Character” improvisation.
